Resisting

For a while now I have pondered the purpose of pain. I have noted that for the most part, we, as human beings do everything we can to avoid pain, both physical and emotional. We run from it, we ignore it, we dodge it, and when it does show up we try to resist it. I'm no expert here, but my feeling is that a large percentage of the depression we experience has to do with the resisting and avoiding of pain. We become weak and angry and dark and hollow because we are trying to avoid our greatest teacher in this life. We are in effect running from our chance to become more like our Savior, and instead of peace and comfort we are left with emptiness and confusion.

I got a chance to feel and experience this during some emotional trials I had while dating Tyler. I remember talking with a dear friend at the time. She said, "Michelle, it feels like you are angry with yourself because you are suffering. You feel like you are better than that. You think if you are in pain you must be weak. Stop being angry with yourself. Sometimes the Savior will take away your suffering when asked, but more often He will simply help you to suffer, after all He knows a thing or two about suffering, and can teach us how to endure it well." Up until then I had never thought of suffering as something the Savior would HELP me do. I was stuck in my limited understanding of what suffering even was. In a lot of ways I still am, but if we will carefully study it out, we will find that there is something sanctifying in enduring extreme difficulty with integrity. The joy and peace and strength we receive is always equal to the resistance we face, if we will humble ourselves and stop resisting it. That doesn't mean that we give up and wallow in our grief, it simply means we allow it to wash over us. We face it head on. We really FEEL the pain, look at it, touch it. I picture myself holding it over my head like a giant heavy trophy. Something I have earned and something that is making me stronger, and then I hand it over to the Lord.

I learned a little more about pain when I delivered my first baby. I decided to deliver naturally, without any pain medication. I honestly didn't know what this would involve. It was my first time, and my whole life I had heard that childbirth was way up there on the list of painful physical experiences. The way I saw it was, for eons of time women were suffering through labor to bring children into this world, and I wanted the experience it in its purest form. I understand this is a personal choice, but one I needed to make. I think it was time for me to learn about pain once again. As labor began and the pain began to intensify I could feel myself tensing up. My body was fighting against it. My mind was in a state of definite resistance. It made each contraction feel insurmountable. But, as soon as I began to surrender to the pain and allow it to wash over me I felt assisted. I felt peace through the pain. I stopped resisting and allowed myself to completely face and experience all of it. Did it hurt....YES! Was I suffering....ABSOLUTELY! The difference was inside. I used my precious gift of agency to make a choice. The pain was there, I just made the choice to endure it well.

It was one of the greatest teaching experiences of my life!

1 Peter 3:14
"But, and if you suffer for righteousness sake, happy are ye: and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled;"

It is not surprising that one would avoid something painful, I mean after all...... pain hurts! Those of us who are not completely deranged, hate to see others hurt and suffer. We try to protect our children from it with our teachings and advice, and when they head in directions that we know will only end in pain, we cringe and sometimes even act out in anger.......just trying to protect them.

What if perhaps we weren't meant to avoid pain though? What if we, as a whole are simply confused about what we should be resisting?

James 1:12
"Blessed is the man that resisteth (JST) temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him."

At some point we must harness our pain and allow it to push us toward our eternal destination. Just as a powerful wind can fill the sails of a boat and literally move it rather than destroy it, we need to allow our pain to "move" us in the direction of our Savior.

What we should really be putting all of our efforts into resisting is temptation. If we avoided evil the way we try to avoid pain we would probably have a lot less pain to face in the first place. Receiving our "crown of life", or exaltation DOES involve resistance, we just need to make sure we resist the things that are meant to be resisted.

*artwork from here